We've all been asked this. I live in southwestern PA so we get both extremes. It can drop well below zero in the winter and with the summer humidity and can reach somewhere around 4 million degrees.
Here are some common scenarios:
I'm standing outside shivering, ears red from wind burn, teeth chattering.
Some asshole, "Hey is it cold enough for you?"
"No, as a matter of fact Mr. Asshole it's not cold enough. I prefer it to be so cold that my lips freeze together so I CAN'T ANSWER QUESTIONS LIKE THAT!"
I'm walking down the street, covered in sweat, struggling to breath through the hot and humid air.
Some douche bag, "Hot enough for you?"
"Glad you asked. No, it's not. I like it to be so hot that my eyeballs liquefy and run down my face. I would prefer to have swamp ass so bad that gators migrate from Florida to live in my boxers. It would be GREAT if the second I stepped outside my hair immediately ignited so that I would have something else to think about besides your idiotic question. That's when it will be hot enough for ME!"
Friday, December 28, 2007
Professional Lottery Players
If you have worked at or spent any amount of time in a gas station or convenience store you know who I am talking about. There are two main kinds of PLPs.
1.) Daily/Weekly Drawings - Powerball, Mega Millions, whatever you have in your state. Even the crappy daily number that pays like $4. These people come in with about 50 different sets of numbers, most of them don't even have them written down, and take up the lottery machine for 45 minutes. They play the birthdays of every family member, anniversaries, high school locker numbers, numbers they dreamt 20 years ago and have been playing ever since, numbers they see on car license plates, and then the numbers that "feel lucky" that week. I want to play $1 on the friggin Powerball hoping that I can win and quit my shitty job and move out of my tiny house and these assholes spend my monthly mortgage payment on lottery tickets.
2.) Instant/Scratch Tickets - As bad as group 1 is group 2 is 10 times worse. They come in, buy $50 worth of tickets, scratch them off in the store, then buy more with the money they won on the first set. I worked at a gas station once we only sold instant tickets so I got alot of these people. The worst was this lady who would seriously spend $100-$200 on tickets at a time. She would be in the store for a couple of hours sometimes and at the end she had spent all the money she had won and all you could see was a head sticking out of a pile of that ticket scratch off shit.
Sad thing is these people are always bitching about money.
I also work with a guy that is a lottery nut. I made the mistake of telling him I was running to the convenience store next door one time and asked if he needed anything. He pulled out a list of numbers for me to play. 45 minutes later when I got back he told me what ever number meant. He also had numerous stories about playing the lottery and even remembers numbers he played in 1979. All I wanted to do was go home because my shift was done.
1.) Daily/Weekly Drawings - Powerball, Mega Millions, whatever you have in your state. Even the crappy daily number that pays like $4. These people come in with about 50 different sets of numbers, most of them don't even have them written down, and take up the lottery machine for 45 minutes. They play the birthdays of every family member, anniversaries, high school locker numbers, numbers they dreamt 20 years ago and have been playing ever since, numbers they see on car license plates, and then the numbers that "feel lucky" that week. I want to play $1 on the friggin Powerball hoping that I can win and quit my shitty job and move out of my tiny house and these assholes spend my monthly mortgage payment on lottery tickets.
2.) Instant/Scratch Tickets - As bad as group 1 is group 2 is 10 times worse. They come in, buy $50 worth of tickets, scratch them off in the store, then buy more with the money they won on the first set. I worked at a gas station once we only sold instant tickets so I got alot of these people. The worst was this lady who would seriously spend $100-$200 on tickets at a time. She would be in the store for a couple of hours sometimes and at the end she had spent all the money she had won and all you could see was a head sticking out of a pile of that ticket scratch off shit.
Sad thing is these people are always bitching about money.
I also work with a guy that is a lottery nut. I made the mistake of telling him I was running to the convenience store next door one time and asked if he needed anything. He pulled out a list of numbers for me to play. 45 minutes later when I got back he told me what ever number meant. He also had numerous stories about playing the lottery and even remembers numbers he played in 1979. All I wanted to do was go home because my shift was done.
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