Is it hot/cold enough for you?

We've all been asked this. I live in southwestern PA so we get both extremes. It can drop well below zero in the winter and with the summer humidity and can reach somewhere around 4 million degrees.

Here are some common scenarios:

I'm standing outside shivering, ears red from wind burn, teeth chattering.

Some asshole, "Hey is it cold enough for you?"

"No, as a matter of fact Mr. Asshole it's not cold enough. I prefer it to be so cold that my lips freeze together so I CAN'T ANSWER QUESTIONS LIKE THAT!"

I'm walking down the street, covered in sweat, struggling to breath through the hot and humid air.

Some douche bag, "Hot enough for you?"

"Glad you asked. No, it's not. I like it to be so hot that my eyeballs liquefy and run down my face. I would prefer to have swamp ass so bad that gators migrate from Florida to live in my boxers. It would be GREAT if the second I stepped outside my hair immediately ignited so that I would have something else to think about besides your idiotic question. That's when it will be hot enough for ME!"